I started this blog to help better myself and find a way to relate to others going through something similar, whether it be weight loss, healthier habits, mental wellness, or overall wellbeing. When I started this blog, I was fine; happy, healthy (getting healthier), I was actually getting in contact with people that were going through the same thing and connecting with people from different cities and states! It felt awesome.

I applied for one of the toughest districts to get into and got the job. I was flying. Soaring, really. Until I realized that I would have to leave the place and the people I had grown to love. I created lifelong friends that I no longer got to see every day. I moved into my own apartment (FINALLY). It seemed like I had all the reasons to be happy, but I couldn’t justify not being happy about it. Not only was I feeling unhappy for something I would otherwise be happy about, I was also losing interest in other things that made me happy.

The summer ends and I was still uninterested in things-all things. Taking care of myself, wanting to succeed, and I had gotten to a really low place. I couldn’t bring myself to do much. Not even write. Because of my health insurance at the time-seeing a mental health professional was too costly since I was on a HDP (the ideal plan if you never get sick), so I found online counseling-still pricey, but cheaper. I met with a counselor for about 8 weeks or so. Started to make progress, but then stopped being able to comfortably afford the monthly fee (sidebar-I have new insurance so now going to a mental health counselor is covered *praise the lawd*). So yeah, It’s been a tough break for me, and I honestly feel like it’s only getting worse.

I’m struggling right now with wanting to know what I want to do. I know what I want to do, but it doesn’t seem practical because I know I’m not happy doing what I’m doing like I used to be. But for me the real kicker is knowing that I have no idea what I’m even qualified to do if it’s not teaching, so I feel trapped. Not every day is like that, of course, but when it rains it pours.

I’ve always struggled with mental health, and this is really the first time I’ve been open about it. This was the first time that I’ve openly talked with my doctor about feeling bouts of depression, fatigue, disinterest, and hopelessness. It was empowering to do that, but also a relief to be able to finally admit that I actually struggle with it because I know so many people are also struggling with it.

The one thing I want to leave you with today is this:

Just tell someone.